the page turns, and the chapter ends; the saga is just beginning.

breathing in for luck

2003-10-05T15:15:00.000-04:00

so i got to go to the dashboard concert. it was amazing! sammie: you don't look anything like britney spears. but what did we learn from this little experience? we definitely do not wear other musicians merch to concerts. silly! matt: i think those guys were stoned. who else wants vagina hands!? man! so many memories!! so much to say!! haha1 tell the grandkids that one! i love you

2003-04-29T23:12:00.000-04:00

and the world explodes it seems to me that it sucks a whole lot when a person who was always on a slight pedistal is removed due to one little thing. when you stop calling them what you used to call them. when you stop getting excited to see them, hear there voice or touch their hair. when you realize they are a just a person and just a friend. watch the world explode

2003-01-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

a poem the conformity of a tree farm is nothing to replace the fallen forests of yesterday. upon the once blue waves, the black diamonds of an oil spill glisten from miles away. what was once majestic, swimming through the reefs, has now been subjected to an eternity of decay. when the last tree is cut, the last river poisoned, and the last fish dead, we'll realize we can't breath, drink

2003-01-15T00:23:00.000-05:00

"Prayer is the contemplation of the ordinary from the highest plane of consciousness." -Ralph Waldo Emerson If one could do so, one would ask Mr. Emerson, "How's the view from up there?" And the ultimate of answers would be the conversation that lead you to realize, "He knows no more than I." Neither of you were ever there at all.

2003-01-15T00:21:00.000-05:00

random ramblings of a confused kid

2003-01-15T00:20:00.000-05:00

"prayer is the contemplation of the ordinary from the highest plane of consciousness" -R.W. Emerson And when exactly does one achieve this highest plane of consciousness? is it when you have obtained a goal so great that you feel the world rise up beneath you? is it when you have the love of the one who summons butterflies afloat to your stomach, with such intensity that it doesn't seem long

2003-01-13T15:50:00.000-05:00

Entry Date; A two person show based upon two independent monologues coordinating in thought process. Synopsis: The two characters are representations on many levels. Blankly representing the victims (all people in one) and the gun-man from the Columbine tragedy, further represents the rational and irrational mind.

2002-12-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

DENOTS

2002-12-20T15:40:00.001-05:00

i miss you most on wednesdays and saturdays

2002-12-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

love is when you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound.

2002-12-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

i am so bored! so bored that i just took those quizzez!

2002-12-11T21:38:00.000-05:00

Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

2002-12-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

I am Vanilla Flavoured. I am one of the most popular flavours in the world. Subtle and smooth, I go reasonably with anyone, and rarely do anything to offend. I can be expected to be blending in in society. What Flavour Are You?

2002-11-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

dj, spin that shit and it all began on thrusday! to claire cowan : hey, what are you doing tonight? nothing? good, i need you to hang out with me until 9! see you then! i'll tie a note to your locker you need mittens, BROWN MITTENS! um, i think you are only getting the mutli-play-doh to make it lok like more! hey, how can you be a picky eater when you eat HOT DOGS!?

2002-11-21T23:35:00.000-05:00

so i got the dreadlocks again. a good person asked me why, and all i could say was why not. shittiest answer ever. a great person once told me an amazing story, and in the end Dave Cook's not the minister's daughter, and i can't define myself. i can't be the perfect painter because i can't define perfection. i can't be the perfect singer because i can't hear the perfect note. i can't be perfect

2002-10-01T21:31:00.000-04:00

The best thing my dad has ever done for me was is leave me alone. We used to have one of those smushy, bonded relationships but we gave up on that one at the first sign of trouble, which was and continues to be, a good thing. If i had learned from his mistakes I'd be lost, he doesn't know what in his life is a mistake. If I tried to learn from example I'd be over weight, disgruntal and would call

2002-09-22T09:40:00.000-04:00

so, i'm back to school, back to routine, back to insanity. i think i just need to dance : )

2002-08-21T11:41:00.000-04:00

"The intellectual is constantly betrayed by his vanity. Godlike he blandly assumes that he can express everything in words; whereas the things one loves, lives, and dies for are not, in the last analysis completely expressible in words." -Anne Morrow Lindbergh not everything can be expressed in words, but hey, maybe a simple card can say it all.... "How cool is that?"

2002-08-21T11:40:00.000-04:00

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all you possess. I wish you enough "Hello's" to get through the final "

2002-06-26T09:08:00.000-04:00

i cried in my sleep... why must people do things that are just plain bad for them.. why oh why? so now there are three people in my life who value drugs over me since they won't quit for me

2002-06-13T20:50:00.000-04:00

why is it that i was able to be alone for so long but then you came along and i hate not being with you? why is it that i can't be all that you need? why do i care so fucking much! you never want to be walked on huh?... me neither!

2002-06-04T19:27:00.000-04:00

i hate being in a good mood because than i am just unintelligent. i'm just.... here.. all smiles all happy... all bluck which is worse. happy or sad.... won't somebody just take my hand dance with me and kiss me?

2002-05-26T10:51:00.000-04:00

maybe with the right people, this will all get easier.

2002-04-15T15:52:00.000-04:00

if i told you nothing would you hear the silence better? i tell you everything and you all know i am having a problem... but if i were to stop entirely. if i were to avoid you would my silence be known? i voice my problems because if i dont they get bigger one of you, one had the new found courage to tell me... blowing off steam is one thing when you're one the phone to one person... making an

2002-04-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

you're making a mess, little one. put away the toys and grow up qucik quick, grow, won't you? oh no, the bigger you get the bigger your messes, your problems... won't someone say, "you're making a mess, little one"

2002-04-12T22:42:00.000-04:00

wow!! home-made bracelettes making me feel pretty and loved all over again! awesome kid! great times! warm fuzzies... potential feelings... bad *bad* BAD! stop kassya....

2002-04-07T23:14:00.000-04:00

the first day... March 2001 nervous time... pre-godspell dinner a painful time... paintball (sorry!) the best summer i have ever had... sunrises and best friends the reunion day.... September 4th the best and worst time... Greek Night true love... sleeping over best sporting event EVER... BROOMBALL!! an awesome time... Weezer the longest 'week' of my life.... October's 'week off' the

2002-04-04T19:39:00.000-05:00

maybe you should never read that letter... ... but i just want me best friend back... ... most of all i miss being the main person you spoke to, the main person in whom you confided... ... i just really miss you

2002-04-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

i woke up in a wonderful mood!!!! and i went through the day finding humour in the small things.. finding beauty in the obscure... now out of no where it hits... the built up bad mood comes all at once. its just not fair! i just want to be able to smile for more than a day without feeling ill later on... hopefully tomorrow will be as good as today.... hopefully

2002-03-29T23:24:00.000-05:00

tonight, for the first time, i not only felt bad for being me, i also felt bad for not being someone else.

2002-03-26T15:46:00.000-05:00

oh how i long for a loving embrace from you! to hear you 'sing' to me again! i wish for one more moment i could stare at you in your most innocent form! oh how i long to see your face!!!!!! i'm sappy and when that happens... i write poorly!!! (see above)

2002-03-22T22:05:00.000-05:00

i find myself obsessing over a particular order, which allows me to know that i, infact, do mean less to you now than i did under a week ago. and sadly, less than a year ago today...

2002-03-20T19:21:00.000-05:00

facade... a showy misrepresentation intended to conceal something unpleasant... the unpleasent thing is that even though this is little more than the smallest of my worries, i can't get past it... it consumes me, drowns me, drags me down... one travels from point a all the way through until z. i seem to be stuck at r and at the same time a... my incompetence seems to be deriving from a single

2002-03-19T10:37:00.000-05:00

my thoughts which you think are deep are really little more than teenage agnst expressed through beauty. i sit alone at the stream side crying and tossing rocks into the water. the water which so slowly flows at the shore yet rushes over the rocks in the center. though the river said nothing to me its beauty was expressed. i felt at peace at the side of the stream, i felt an unexplainable sense

2002-03-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

i've changed, i dont like what i thought i did! i like exclamation marks and i like when you write me letters! i'm excited to read it! bed time though! hears to tomorrow!

2002-03-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

i'm sitting here in the lobby... i can here the clock ticking. ...i can also hear the sound of the clock in the hall. i can't say things are poor, mainly due to the fact they aren't i'm going to go write and think and nearly talk to myself. see you call me

2002-03-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

i'm tired and sore but fuck, i'm a happy kid! i feel like the same kid who went through the learn to read book and checked off the items she enjoyed! grape juice, pudding and grilled cheese. the meal fit for the childhood queen. simplistic as it may be, i'm good again! i just wish everyone could say the same! HAPPY DANCE!

2002-02-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

i read that over and i am not sure what i was trying to say! i want to say i love you, you mean the world to me but i feel pathetic for making you my world i didnt hang off of every word but i tried my hardest to understand each word. i love you! i really really do! this is what i want! and i want it for a long time more! you are who i want! and i want you for a long time more! ... i love you!

2002-02-27T18:13:00.000-05:00

there is a lot of truth that i need to write about. i guess i never said any of this before since i was so scared! i liked you for so long and then i didn't ever think you'd like me, out of no where you decide to!!! it was amazing! i have never been so happy! never been so loved!!!! on the topic, i never knew why you liked me... that night in your room, i hadn't even brushed my teeth yet, sick!

2002-02-24T23:49:00.000-05:00

... and once again a smile crosses my face for little more than no reason at all... walking down the street seeing people show canadian pride, the pride of a nation i've never had pride for... astounding! to nearly be killed by these joyous citizens, far less cool to kiss you in the theatre, to fall in love with you all over again! oh man! jon davis, so so hot!!!! today: friends, love, awe..

2002-02-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

Uncertain, am i wrong, in so many things... ... let's think... 'you can't love truly unless loved as well' untrue.. ...let's think... how can i be so confident? *me* confident?! when will you love me as much as i do, as much i love me, as much as i love you? go out with your best friend again, even if it's no longer me. ocean pacific... let it remain! quadractics, love, friendship, CONFUSION!

2002-02-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

i remember never worrying, and now i worry! but i dont! i mean i know everything will work out awesome and for the better in the end, i guess ever since finding out you had uncertainties where i didnt know any existed, i suppose i have felt like i have been treading on eggshells! well no more!! you fell in love with me once, and now 20 lbs lighter than when you first loved me, aren't i more!?

2002-02-17T00:35:00.000-05:00

you know what?! i'm not even going to think about it anymore! i love you and this is the happiest i have ever been!! there is going to be problems along the way, but we'll get through! this may not be a long term commitment but its a long term relationship! . .. ... i made up my mind, i love me as much as you do, this is never gonna change!! ldglultnmnv<- there is no words to

2002-02-10T11:13:00.000-05:00

'... cut like a diamond... a new sparkle in every new light...' so true isn't it?! i mean, everybody will see everything a different way. and why not?! there are a million ways to look at everything! a million ways to express yourself!! . .. ... .... ..... okay so i don't know where that came from but i said it!! see you!

2002-02-06T22:37:00.000-05:00

... someday we'll know if love can move a mountain, someday we'll know why the sky is blue, someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you! yah yah yah yah someday we'll know why sampson loved delila, someday we'll go dancing on the moon, someday we'll know why i am the one for you... take a leap of faith, jump blindly to another. fall... fall... down.... fall... caught by the arms of true

2002-02-03T11:12:00.000-05:00

can you believe this is for real!? like for ever truly real! to think of a teenagers traumatic thoughts that run when she hears "this is the last time you will ever wash your hair like this. your scalp will never feel water again... ever" thats nuts! i had a great weekend! it was awesome! to bad i didnt sleep over... ps how the fuck do you draw precarious?! see you later!

2002-01-31T15:04:00.000-05:00

now on to my deep and profound thoughts of the day i'm me kassya... me i may not be the best friend in the world i'm not as smart as you all so i'm not all that pretty or thin (obviously since they are virtually one in the same anymore) my sense of humour may be demented and lets face it... i'm a bitch! but i'd be damned if i hated me i am capable of making people laugh. those people don't

2002-01-31T14:46:00.000-05:00

so i sit here and do a whole lot of nothing! wow! look at all that fun! i have so much to say but right now i am too busy attempting to use the right keys and mind you i am i wish it would go faster! now that i am using whatever finger i feel works i go quicker

2002-01-28T20:08:00.000-05:00

sing for me!! pick and note, sing it. find a melody within you. harmony... when two people sing and i get chills i wonder how there is no apparent god in my life. once i told a morman that music was my god and each note rings that message true to my ear. i lift my voice and pray! my god, my god never forsake me, a life with no music, no harmony, no melody, counter melody, rhythm... no life

2002-01-28T10:50:00.000-05:00

i hope you're right. fluid doesn't matter to me. your hand doesn't matter to me. the snow can wait i forgot my mittens, i wipe my nose put my new boots on... ...when you gonna make up your mind? when you gonna love you as much as i do. when you gonna make up your mind cause things are gonna change so fast, all the white horses have gone ahead. and i'll tell you that i'll always want you near

2002-01-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

A, B, C and D... I'm 'K' kay?!?! hahaha!!!!

2002-01-26T21:20:00.000-05:00

!!!!! aaaaiiieeeeee !!!!! you said you'd call for me! try for me!!! if i could be happier!!!!!!!!!!!!! man oh man!!! feel the love!!! REASSURED TO THE MAX!! You don't even need to call!

2002-01-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

remember the words i love you!? if you ever meant them...

2002-01-26T15:14:00.000-05:00

ps! i'm sorry for my moods! i'm so happy on the inside, happier than i have been in a long time the confusion takes over, controls me. i seem sad but inside i scream DANCE WITH ME! JUMP AND BE HAPPY!!! damned confusion... damnit

2002-01-26T15:12:00.000-05:00

...this isn't the end. i've no more to say! but the end for us is so far... away!

2002-01-26T15:10:00.000-05:00

can't you wait? the sign says "wet floor" ... unplugged ... you ran fragments of glass fly as your fragile body breaks, through, the extremely frail life ... of yours you see me break, i drop to the ground. is this all working? can you hear me through the microphone? am i clear, coming through, can you read my lips! through all of it i've changed. the one who never could hurt me, i thought i

2002-01-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

i didnt think i'd ever have to work with you! i never expected to have to work for your affection. i just figured since mine was always there, so your's would be too. i'm wrong. don't give up! i hope if you give up, it's not giving in!!!!!! i love you!

2002-01-19T21:56:00.000-05:00

so we had a test i did a lot wrong! hahahah i didnt fail!!!. i learned! next time, i'll be better preparded.... just when will the next test come?!. not soon i hope. emotionally drained. go from sleepy to weepy! from miserable to unbelieveable! oh i love you!!! oh oh oh!!! *singing* WOW!!!

2002-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

you make sense to me... i'll see you around.

2002-01-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

you are my one love! my true hope and joy in everyday! take me away from my world of sorrow and to where i am happiest, in your arms dance with me atop the drifting snow. we will slip and slide. the joys will be as high as the hills we will roll down. sing to me from the tree tops. let's climb until the branches break let your song drift slowly from the top, falling gently on my ears. hold

2002-01-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

it's amazing how your mind won't always let you fall on your ass... i sit and i run lines in my head trying to think of what i am supposed to say at my next cue... think kassya think you dumb bitch! suddenly i hear my cue ring loud in the clutter and whir of the nonsence in my mind. without me thinking ut fumble and fall my words. to those listening they are clear, collected and so soothing.

2002-01-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

in a room, i sit and watch and wait the paint on the walls is dripping, falling on me, drip drop. plus, i have misplaced the phone. it rings for what seems hours where's my best friend now? a world without friends would be death. a true friend should be defined not by the times they made you smile but rather the times they made you cry from laughing so hard. your friendship may be judged by

2002-01-12T18:55:00.000-05:00

there was a stand still for ten days. the opposing side was feeling the silence, feeling the lack of action. at exactly ten days, the stand still broke. "well i'll tell you...." *thinks* "um...." *checks script* i'm finding it hard to consentrate. what are my lines?! i'm supposed to have this memorzied! eeep! plan for attack, 1: remember the weak spots, right here, and here and DEFINATELY here

2002-01-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

its amazing when one of the most awkward situations you ever imagined ends up being the best thing you'd done in a while "shhhhh don't wake daddy" only with friends can you take a 10 minute walk and make it last an hour! thanks!

2002-01-05T13:39:00.000-05:00

there is something so calming about knowing you have something to do and not have any intent or desire to do it. like, for example, i have a few play pieces i am supposed to have memorized for monday, and a painting done, and a bi monthly. if any of you see this happening, your drunk, and it's the 5th, you'd think the hangover drunkness would have worn off by now! i like how i said "any of you"

2001-12-16T16:36:00.000-05:00

life is like you're driving. you can drive straight or go backwards. take turns where you please, but if you try to change the radio station... you're going to flip your car! i bet you think i'm deep... think i have insight to the world... well you're wrong. i attempted to play grand theft auto 3 and failed miserably! i was going pretty nice, not obeying road rules and then i was asked to

2001-12-12T21:35:00.000-05:00

yeah because i DO my homework! no! no i dont! fuck i need a word processor! shit! i'm going to fail everything i attempt to do because i start with good intentions, work somewhat well for a short period of time and then i get frustrated and bored! wow! i am going to go procrastinate a law assignment! wow!

2001-12-11T21:02:00.000-05:00

so semi formal is over. i got ready for longer than the whole thing lasted... all in all i enjoyed myself!! to those who made the night beautiful, thank you! to those who made me feel beautiful, thak you! one who anticipates never see's it coming... is it friday yet? i will have to wait! hmph!

2001-12-03T00:04:00.000-05:00

oh my god! i washed my face! wow!

2001-12-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

there is something so relaxing about making your self look better. i always feel lovely when i am doing my makeup or my hair. right now i am cleaning my teeth... giving them sort of a deep conditioning, if you will. to be biting down on what appears to be a mouth guard is somewhat relaxing... i'm not a big fan of the no smiling, or swallowing... i'll live i'm not a big fan... "not big like big...

2001-11-27T17:55:00.000-05:00

wow!!!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! kill me kay!?

2001-11-25T16:36:00.000-05:00

Risk It to laugh is to risk appearing the fool to weep is to risk appearing sentimental to reach out to another is to risk involvement to express feelings is to risk exposing your true self to place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd, is to risk their loss to love is to risk not being loved in return to live is to risk dying to hope is to risk despair to try it to risk failure but risks

2001-11-25T09:58:00.000-05:00

i just took a test telling me what infectious STD i would be! and i got *dun dun dun* GONORRHEA!! Take the Affliction Test Today!

2001-11-23T14:46:00.000-05:00

cigarettes and choc-o-late milk... i have this song stuck in my head and it sucks since i don't know anymore words... to be honest i don;t know why i know this one part any better than the rest.. i suppose it was on while i was sleeping on your bed last night and you were singing it or something... like HONESTLY who wakes someone to bring them home to go to bed... i mean c'mon! hahahah i'm over

2001-11-21T23:03:00.000-05:00

what are you supposed to think when a kiss ends... especially when that is the LAST thing you wanted it to lead to... you saying goodbye! well lately i have been thinking these things usually in this order: 1) wouldn't it be great if he just came up running behind me and kiss me just one last time!? 2) i want to look back. then if he's looking i can kiss him again... but what if's not... should

2001-11-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter... oh go see it! it was good! here's to running noses in the morning! and to "doctors appointments" hey harry! how you been!? long time no see! did you hear that honk... it was a laugh fort what?! there's a flower under my boob?! HERE'S TO ONE OF THE BEST DAYS I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME

2001-11-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

ick! could i hate things anymore than i do!? i mean i hate EVERYTHING! one minute i'm smiling just thinking about how everything i've wanted for the past few months of my life has basically happened! wow LUCKY ME! and then the next thing i know i am screaming i want to beat things! for example! soon enought eh band will have to be at play practice! hello dear friends hellooooo hot piano boy ;D

2001-11-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

i really have nothing of any importance to say... perhaps that is because i am so happy and when i am too happy i have very little to say... just tonnes to smile about! or because there is nothing to bitch about, no pressing issue on my chest nealy crushing me with its weight! but it think the most likely answer to my lack of relevant speech is the fact that i have only been up for 10 minutes and

2001-11-14T17:56:00.000-05:00

its a rave in your brain! haha i think if i went to a rave it would be joyous.... i mean i may die due to the strobe lights but hey, you gotta take risks! but really i'd dance my heart out and sweat some fat away!! yip-yip-eeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways i have to go paint now.... here's to us! here's to art! here's to love! here's to music! here's to life! here's to today! here's to this! here's

2001-11-10T11:46:00.000-05:00

so maybe now this prayer, the last one of it's kind, won't you please come get your baby, maybe.... you gotta love dogs. they are just so sweet! a dog comes onstage and the whole audience goes "aahhhhhhh awwwwwwww" and its perfect! wow! what a little puppy can do so i'm not wearing a bra right now since i had a shower before i went to bed, and that was at 11 o'clock last night (i'm a loser!),

2001-11-09T15:50:00.000-05:00

eternal light, has come amoung man kind, yet mankind has chosen darkness... -eternal light by john michael talbot and phil perkins to see the light to be the light, what does it all mean!? one does not know. i am antisipating the end of this day yet somehow dreading the beginning of the next (let the melodrama begin) do i care at all right now!? nope... not really... do i now NOT care... nope

2001-11-07T23:10:00.000-05:00

pity is friendship's whore friendship is the scent of roses overcoming the reeking decay that we (stupid?) so often regard as our life caused by others (evil?) directed by our fears insecurities jealousy hatred or perhaps a love that knows not even the bounds set by cruelty you may be neck-deep in uncertainty (fear) but the man in the red jacket for Boise is selling a life preserver and the

2001-11-05T22:55:00.000-05:00

honestly... i feel self hatred is the most gratifying... no one really knows your mad and no one gets mad at you let us ALL hate OURSELVES! herrah

2001-11-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

simplicity: its beauty is so dazzling, perfect and complexe. complexity: routine followed by routine, chaos to follow routine. unity: honour and strength, beauty and whats more community. serenity: too simplistic for words, too challenging to grasp, let alone maintain. diversity: more to see, less to understand. naivety: artless... lies, shadows, faux everything i see each day is all of these in

2001-11-03T23:52:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time...

2001-11-02T07:35:00.000-05:00

i think i have an issue with sizes. like i either want my eyes, eye lashes, boobs, and hair (in length for hair) bigger or smaller... the size they are now is shit... i don't like it. bluck i am so odd anyways unless i want to go to school in that ugly shirt i was wearing at the cottage, with the guy and the kid on it, i should go get changed! see you

2001-11-01T21:41:00.000-05:00

so i am on the phone... new guy... no i'm not sleeping around, i am just on the phone with a great kid from my drama class. he is so cute. i love this boy! have you ever gone somewhere, weather it be in your mind or an actual place, and this place or space allows you to forget everything that could ever bug you? allows you to find total peace with yourself. this place allows you to be you and

2001-10-31T18:34:00.000-05:00

so i was walking with this guy i know... fuck his breath was like cats ass! meow much?! well anyways, i think he could be considered bisexual in the way he finds other men to be attractive and very few girls to be anymore than sick! the catch is, he is never going to allow the ass ramming. i think he may some day, but until then he's my best friend! hehe! i think the best part is, first and

2001-10-30T21:49:00.000-05:00

you know what bugs me?! when the wrong thing happenes to the wrong person! like when the kid who normally works so hard doesnt this ONE time and something bad happens! well that happens all the time... the kids whom i love more than anyone else in the world seem to have the worst luck... do i somehow cause the shitty luck?! i don't think i do but who knows... dont let yourself get down

2001-10-28T14:49:00.000-05:00

i had the best weekend! i was surrounded by great friends whom i never see out of school. and i was with the people i see nearly everyday! i found out a few things about myself this weekend... -if i am supposed to get my period at four am on sunday and i am awake at four... it comes when i get up to pee! -when it is freezing cold, don't make your best friends chuck pumpkin guts at you! cold!

2001-10-28T14:28:00.000-05:00

i cant believe i remembered the password for this. i didnt htink i knew it and then my fingers just started to type! thank you insane memory powers!!

2001-10-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

...and for once things seem to be painting a picture. my surrealism has lifted, or has it just truly begun? maybe i see things clearly now, or at least the picture being painted has a final ending in mind, a definate form... oooorrrrrr maybe i am just seeing things as being more 'real' through a clouded mind. as the drunk driver see's the terrible turn up ahead as a calm curve, perhaps, for

2001-10-22T21:08:00.000-04:00

fuck! i am only going to bitch so it will be out of my system. i am having the best day ever! i didnt think anything could take that away from me... wow! i should have known i was wrong! dad fuck you! we used to get along what the fuck happened!? you say i grew up too quickly... sorry that you forced 6 going on 25 on me... i didnt choose this... i didnt choose any of this! i am so sure that

2001-10-21T13:32:00.000-04:00

WOW could i be more gay!? like honeslty! i think if i smile at another person i'll officially be S.U (if you DON'T know who that is, ask me) what can i say though, happiness... thats me!

2001-10-21T11:03:00.000-04:00

i really feel that my on going cloud statement speaks to people. they may not realize it but if they think about it... everybody has a moment when everything seems to stand still, everything goes foggy, your knees may get weak. everyone has moments like this... see the world for its beauty, see the world through the squinting eyes of a child. when you smile you squint and the world is

2001-10-21T01:35:00.000-04:00

and the clouds roll in...

2001-10-20T23:08:00.000-04:00

so i tried... well i didnt! i was going to talk to you about it but like i said, i cant... i dont think i can anyways. i want to cry and hide for the rest of eternity... its not your fault. its mine ultimately. i let myself be fooled. i am going to go throw up... i want to be rachel leigh cook... i am so sorry... fuck i really dont expect anything to come of this i just want to know why

2001-10-20T20:24:00.000-04:00

i love you... it means so much but this weekend i wonder if maybe it means anything at all? have you ever done something that was SO right and SO great when it was happening and thinking back on it you don't regret it but you wonder why you did it and what would have happened if you didn't? this is one of those times. I loved this weekend!! TORI!! you goddess!:) wow! to spend time with a friend

2001-10-17T23:56:00.000-04:00

why are you so far from saving me, why are you so far from my groning? by night and by day i cry out in pain, why is it that you do not answer? for YOU alone were the holy one, in you are fathers trusted. they cried out to you and were saved, why do you not answer me!? i am a worm no longer a man, la ma sa bach thani, they have peirced my feet and hands, la ma sa bach thani. why did it have to

2001-10-16T18:21:00.000-04:00

I decided today that maybe i will take my head out of my own ass, look at all the people i never got to know. the insanly ugly people who i poke fun at just because they are ugly, the girls in the choir who couldn't sing if their life depended on it, the people in my art classes who don't even know what a palette knife is for! the girls in the bathroom looking at themselves attempting to fix